


To My Best Friend, Brendon

by ChasingAfterMidnight



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Band, Angst, Epistolary, Letters, Ryan Writes Letters To Brendon, Teenage Panic!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 22:22:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10953906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChasingAfterMidnight/pseuds/ChasingAfterMidnight
Summary: Ryan Ross moves away from his home town, and leaves his best friend, Brendon, behind. To cope with the move, he writes letters to Brendon about his new school and struggles.A story written in letters from Ryan to Brendon over the course of a few months.High School AU (in the loosest sense)





	1. Chapter 1

To my dearest best friend, Brendon,

I miss you. I’ve only been at this new school for two weeks, but I already hate it here. Everything is so unfamiliar, and my best friend isn't here with me to share everything that's happening. The buildings have names instead of numbers – how would anyone remember where East Building is if it’s not even the building furthest to the east? Our old numbering system was so much better.

Even the kids here are weird, too. There’s this one emo dude in my homeroom (the homerooms here are only full of Tenth Graders; how weird is that?) who keeps trying to talk to me, I guess because he sees me not making friends with anyone and thinks I’m like him. As if. He’s the most friendless and moody kid I’ve ever seen, plus he wears the most embarrassingly awful outfits. Seriously, have you ever seen someone unironically wear a “if you’re reading this, I hate you” shirt? He’s a walking stereotype, and I swear he makes his own clothes – he’s always got this dumb heart bat thing going on. He’s so pretentious and up himself, and he keeps trying to hit on this shy fat kid. I kind of feel sorry for him. The fat kid, not the emo creep. Honestly, I don’t even know his name – I’ll bet he calls himself something emo that will make you cringe – well, it would make me cringe. I’ve been gone two weeks but I’ll bet you’re still the kind of person that only ever sees the good in someone, and never the bad.

But, anyway. I really miss you, Bren. Being away from you for the first time in over ten years is really making me nostalgic for when we were kids, and it’s kind of making me angry about all the stuff we never got to do together. I hate how I’ll miss your 17th birthday party because I’ll be at this dumb boarding school – we promised that we would never miss a birthday of each other when we were like eight! But mostly, I hate that I moved away before we could conquer The Tree. I remember being such tiny little kids, looking up at The Tree, and vowing that we’d one day make it to the very top. I guess that’s how life goes, though. We never did. But, I swear to you, one day, hopefully one day soon, I’m going to come back and we’re going to climb The Tree once and for all. Nobody can say Ryan Ross isn’t stubborn, and I’m going to come back and conquer it.

Nothing much has happened in my first two weeks; I’ve not made any friends (I’m never replacing you, Bren, you’re my best friend) and I haven’t joined a club or anything, much to dad’s annoyance. He wants me to move on from our school – well, my old school I guess – but that would mean moving further away from you in my head, and I’m never doing that.

Anyway, I’m running out of room on this page, I’ll write again soon – hopefully something interesting will happen.

\- RyRo


	2. Chapter 2

To my dearest best friend, Brendon,

I hate my dad. He’s nothing but an alcoholic dick who doesn’t give a shit about me. I hate my dad for making us move to this town, I hate my dad for saying I should try to forget about you and move on to make more friends, and I hate my dad for telling me to even stop writing to you! Can you believe that?! I could never forget you, and I certainly never want to move on from you – that’s ridiculous. As soon as I find a job and earn enough money for a plane trip, I’ll be coming back to see you. I miss you like crazy. It’s not up to him to decide what I can and can’t think about. Ugh, whatever. I’m going to try to forget he said that and tell you about other things.

My homeroom teacher said today that I’ve “been having some trouble adjusting to this big change” or some other crap like that. He’s the kind of guy that talks forever if you don’t stop him, so now I accidentally agreed to see the school counsellor. I bed you’d laugh at that – you always did wonder how I got myself into such messes when we were younger.

Also, I just remembered – do you remember the old outdoor cinema (which I think they’ve turned into a cemetery now, which is kind of morbid – The Tree always overlooked the cinema so we could get a decent view of the movie on – that is, we could have, if we ever managed to climb it)? I wonder what the last movie they ever showed there was. Hopefully it went out with a bang.

I keep thinking about coming back to you, and I can’t wait to get enough money. I’ve got a game plan for when I come back. I’m going to visit you, and conquer The Tree finally, and do all those things we never used to do, and visit all the places that meant something to us as kids. Maybe we’ll even break out our old instruments and jam for a while.

Speaking of, there are no trees out here, there’s barely even shrubs. It’s all practically a barren wasteland, which makes me miss you and my home even more. Hell, I even miss The Tree, even though it’s my most frustrating failure. I bet though, when I come to visit and tackle The Tree for one final time, with you there to encourage me, I’ll finally beat it.

\- RyRo


	3. Chapter 3

To my dearest best friend, Brendon,

This is a short letter, but it has a ton of good news in it. Remember how I said I got roped into seeing the counsellor from school? You’ll never guess what he just suggested. He said I should go back home, to you, to The Tree, to everything. He’s even helping me get some funds together to fund the trip over. Dad’s not that keen on the idea, but who cares? He doesn’t control me. I’m so excited – I’m coming back! Promise you’ll be there when I arrive. I know you will be. You’d never leave me.

\- RyRo


	4. Chapter 4

To my dearest best friend, Brendon,

I’m at the airport right now, and I feel sick with nervousness. I’m going to The Tree today. I think I’m ready to face it and finally go to the top. I know you’ll be right there with me, even though everyone says you won’t. They don’t get it. You’re always there for me, nothing is going to stop that. Ever since I moved away, I’ve known you’re back home, waiting for me. I’m not just coming for The Tree, obviously, I’m coming for you too. I know exactly where I’ll find you, just like I’ve always known everything about my dearest Bren. Do you like me calling you that? Over all these years, I never even thought to ask…

Tomorrow’s your 17th birthday, Bren. Even though Doc Way thought it was a bad idea, I bought you a birthday present. Over these past months, I’ve been getting happier and sadder. Happier because I’m finally fitting in and making friends at this school (remember that emo dude? Turns out he's really chill, and hilarious, and he writes awesome lyrics – you’d like him, his name’s Pete), but sadder because it still feels like I’m betraying you. I know what you’d say if you were here. You’d tell me that I’m not replacing you, that it’s good for me to make friends, but… I just always put you first.

You’re my best friend, and I don’t want anyone to try and challenge that. Each day that passes, my memories of you fade, and it scares me. I don’t ever want to forget you, or what you mean to me. I’ve even started writing lyrics again, which I haven’t done since I moved away. Pete is a really good help when it comes to that – he reads what I’ve written and he shows me his stuff too, and it’s different than showing them to you, because he’s not as nice as you. I know you love anything I write, but Pete is always trying to get me to do better. He’s an asshole, but he’s getting me to be productive, I guess.

\- RyRo


	5. Chapter 5

Brendon,

This is the last letter. I climbed The Tree, I saw our names carved in the trunk one last time, and I visited you. Doc says I can’t write to you anymore, but I’m not taking his advice straight away. I’m writing you this final time, and then that will be it. He thinks it’s unhealthy, me constantly dwelling on the past, and getting so angry whenever anyone suggests that I change. I’ve been having a lot of anger issues since I moved away. I don’t drink anymore either, I’m too scared of becoming like my dad, but I feel like everything's changing now.

Anyway, the reason Doc doesn’t want me to write anymore is because he thinks it’s unhealthy. I guess I see where he’s coming from. This whole letter thing hasn’t been one of my better ideas, but I bet you’d understand why I felt like I had to. You always understood what I wanted to say, even without me saying a word. I loved that about you. We had that whole “best friend mind reading” thing going on. I remember all our friends kept trying to figure out how we knew each other so well. I miss you so much, every single day. It’s unfair, I’m sure. I got to spend thirteen years with you by my side before I moved away, but your parents and siblings had the whole sixteen. If anyone should miss you the most, it’s them. But they’ve got your siblings to deal with. I only ever had you.

Sometimes I get so angry at you, Bren. We were supposed to be unstoppable, there was nothing we couldn’t do. We were going to start a band, get a label, travel the world and be famous rock stars. We were going to rule the world. I was angry at you for a while, before the guilt got too much for that. I kept thinking – what if I had been there for you more? What if I thought before I spoke around you? What if I’d told someone after I saw your scars? What if the ambulance arrived sooner? What if you hadn’t lost too much blood?

I miss being 14, me and you, no cares in the world.

But I need to accept that isn’t reality anymore. We can’t go back in time.

I left your present at your grave. I hope you like it.

Rest in peace, and happy birthday, Bren. I love you.

\- RyRo


End file.
